Am I insufficient?
I have had a feeling of insufficiency the last few months. As though everything I do is not enough. Not that I am doing the wrong things, just that I am not doing the right things as often or as long as I should. A classic problem, I realize, but one that I am not all that familiar with.
This is particularly true with regards to RAT and her siblings. RAT has struggled in school since kindergarten and now that she is in second grade we decided to do something about it. Now we know that she has dyslexia and ADHD.
While the fact that RAT has difficulties learning is not new to us, it has been a relief to feel that it wasn’t just a failure on us as parents or her as student. Now we have specific areas that we can work with and support at school. Great.
But why is it I am still unsatisfied with things? I think it has to do with RAT siblings. We usually say that RAT is 20% of the family, but takes up 60% of the families energy (My partner then usually says that I take up 30% and they are left sharing the remaining 10%. Not very nice of her…)
Regardless of how the percentage is distributed, her brother and sister are left asserting themselves to get appropriate attention from us. BAT, who is three, doesn’t seem to have any problem with this, she prefers to be on her own anyway. But NAT has been acting out, sometimes at the expense of his big sister. And this probably will only get worse.
On top of this I should be thinking about finding new work. I like the people I work with and that I am working for something I believe in. But we are a flat organization and I am new to the whole field, so I am having a hard time finding things to do. But we are living in a new country, with a language(s) I don’t understand, and I don’t have a work permit, and I lots of education but no work experience. Where do I begin?