Countdown: Less than 24 hours

We are scheduled to go into the hospital tomorrow morning to start an 8 am induction process. The boy is a week “overcooked” and Fina’s provider recommends either inducing at that point, or ultrasounds and other tests to make sure he is ok. There ain’t much space in there, and Fina is done with being pregnant. We planned on this if he was a week late, but I know it feels a bit odd to her to schedule a time to come in to give the birthing process a push out of the nest.

We went for our regular evening stroll through the neighborhood last night and happened upon a woman just as she was leaving a house that we had spent some time in. A friend/one of the instructors at our grad school program rented this house to Fina’s family the first time they came and visited, and they stayed for a month. This was our first exposure to the neighborhood we live in now and it is always a bit bizarre to walk by the house and not know the people that currently occupy it. Anita sold the house probably 4 years ago.

This woman was very friendly and excited to say hi. It just so happens, that she is a doula, who was visiting her clients 8 weeks after their baby was born.  My experience with doulas, including leading up to, and at the birth of my daughter, was not always positive. Doulas are not medical professionals, they are consigliere’s to the mom during the birthing process, and ostensibly I like the idea of a doula acting as a trusted advisor. They can help to ensure that the birth plan is adhered-to as much as possible, and that the OB/GYN’s that may have a tee time to get to, don’t rush you into the operating room.

Unfortunately in my experience, I have found them to be kinda judgmental. “OH, YOU AREN’T SURE WHETHER OR NOT YOU WANT A COMPLETELY NATURAL CHILDBIRTH? YOU SHOULD MAMA!!! IT’S BEST FOR MAMA AND BABY!!! YOU ARE A NINJA WARRIOR! PAIN MEANS NOTHING TO YOU!!!  DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT WHETHER YOUR CHILD GROWS UP TO HAVE A FULFILLING LIFE? And the doula we ran into last night reinforced this.

When she saw Fina’s belly, I could smell the sales pitch coming and she eagerly asked, “so mama¹, when are you due?” Fina said that we have an induction scheduled for Friday morning. OH NO! THAT’S SOOOO PAINFUL. DON’T DO IT. IT’S REALLY THE LONGEST AND MOST PAINFUL WAY TO GIVE BIRTH. CAN YOU CANCEL IT? OH GOD!!! PLEASE NOOOOO. JUST START HAVING LOT’S OF SEX, OK? DON’T DO IT.

As you might imagine, this really upset my already pretty distraught wife. We had just been with her OB who walked us through the options and we came to the conclusion that was what was best. Why did the doula say this at that point? Regardless, we are excited to meet our new little guy this weekend and will keep you all posted.

smoking mom

I have seen a pregnant woman chain-smoke, and I am by no means advocating that.  Doulas may recommend it though, to take the edge off.

I have seen a pregnant woman chain-smoke, and I am by no means advocating that.

¹Why do Doula’s call pregnant women who have not yet given birth, Mama? She is not your mother.

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Emo-parenting 101: Looking for Parenting/Life Balance

In the end there is not much that separates us from them. We are meant to give to them. We are meant

to be a bottomless source of love to them. But we use them in the same way. We demand of them

bottomless love and at least some service. Service and love. Sounds like a Sunday sermon. But I am

not talking about service to God, or God’s love. I am talking about the future, our children. (A terrifying

thought that something that I produce would be responsible for anything, but hell, why not. I’m pretty

responsible.) I would put emphasis on the bottomless part of the third sentence of this paragraph. Not

that we as parents are tried or that we don’t fail, but the expectation is there, that expectation that our

patience will not end.

Parenting can make us all lose identity, but then they do things like this and you don't care.

Parenting can make us all lose identity, but then they do things like this and you don’t care.

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